scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
