I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
