Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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