just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
