Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
