there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
