At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
