Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
