just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
