See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
