We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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