so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
