the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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