p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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