Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
