she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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