I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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