remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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