I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
