I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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