I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
