I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
