he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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