I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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