I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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