I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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