I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
