I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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