I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
