I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
