take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
