Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
