I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
