My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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