it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
