I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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