I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
