i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we're chasing vodka with high fives
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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