the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
