Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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