he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize