i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
