Non-Jews are for practice
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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