$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just pee around me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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