My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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