Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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