soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
