he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
