oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize