So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
