I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
