I heard we made out
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
