You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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