i barfeds in our rink
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
