I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
your room smells of hookers.
And success
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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