I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
