I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
