p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
