Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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