party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
