His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
