I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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