Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
