WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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