a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
