Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
