I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize