gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
