3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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