hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
