Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
