no, he came in my armpit
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
