Buhtt sex?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize