Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
