He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
50% drunk capacity currently
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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