tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
