dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
