I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
