The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
