all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
