He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
