did you get engaged???
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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