i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I could make wine with my vomit
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
