I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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