Apparently you make a good broom.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
