Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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