Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
